Another secret.

You see me arriving
you laugh
say hello
comment how bad my hair looks but how good I let my beard grow
and it seems it was yesterday when we met
and that four hundred days have not passed
since the last time I was in this same place
looking at you in this same way.
You ask if I still smoke
I nod
I would say you sadden
maybe
because of that secret fear you have
of me dying.

Secret.

I imagine you here,
under this tree
and I think that you'd be lovely.
I could even kiss you
if the circumstances were favorable
if you smiled at me a certain way
if you held my gaze
for a moment.
I would go to you then,
move the branches and leaves
from your face,
the hair tangled
in some twig
and afterwards
I would do what I already did ten years ago
in a tree like this
to someone named like you
that had your eyes
and had your hands.

As a child I had a tree.

And the tree had a name and I stroked its trunk.

I hugged it while I watched the ants running up and down its bark.

And I was jealous of the ants for being parasitic on my tree.

Mother.

It is night. We do not know if the little girl sleeps. The blind is not completely lowered and some of the light from the streetlamps comes through the window. There is another light. The one that seeps through the crack under the door. You can hear the mother in the kitchen. A tap is turned on.

The girl calls.

The mother goes.

I'm cold, she says.

There are blankets in the closet.

The mother does not move.

The girl rests her face in the pillow.

Silence.

We, those from the outside, wonder why the mother, the same one that closed the door so that the light did not bother the girl, the same that goes when the daughter calls her, does not tuck her daughter in, does not traverse the space to the closet door and does not open it, does not bend over to pick up one of the blankets stacked against the background, does not unfold it and lay it on the cold body of the girl.

Big men have big dreams

You want to live in a big city
work for a big company
and earn lots of money
to spend in your big big city
or in you PP girl
(Perfectly Pretty)

You want to travel the world
and visit even bigger cities
to spend even bigger amounts of money
to please your PP girl

You want to make your mother cry
everytime you step into a plane and cross the sea
to live in a big city
to work for a big company
to meet your PP girl
without even looking back
without even realising
it is not your mother the only one that cries.