How would Oggg love you?

I think of you like people think about their dead
I would be happier if I knew for certain that you know I have not forgotten
Sometimes I have to suppress the urge to run away from home and buy flowers
Sometimes I have to suppress the urge to print your photos and create an album that reads
February 2009 you smiling before you die
My mind returns repeatedly to the same memories
I am tormented by the idea of ​​forgetting things without realizing it
I am comforted by the idea of ​​ someday being able to remember something for the first time
and to witness again a ridiculously transcendent event of your life
Sometimes I talk to your little brother because he looks a lot like you
I like to see him grow and compare your bodies and physiognomies
I am slightly annoyed by the fact that he is taller than you
I am slightly annoyed by the fact that he is even more handsome than you
I am sincerely disturbed by the fact that your eyes express different genotypes
I am sincerely disturbed by the fact that your hearts express distinct genotypes
I google the words help how to resurrect the one you loved
I do not sleep and I think of what your perfect epitaph would be if I could write it
I have occasionally imagined your stabbed body in the middle of the forest
I have occasionally imagined that it was cold and that your blood was like a hot river born of your chest staining your shirt and staining my hands
And then I lean your body against a tree
And I begin to cry
of the indescribable joy that comes from seeing you die
by my side.